


Closure

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nick has a abusive past, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 20:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: Nick needs closure on his past before he can move forward with Ellie.





	Closure

**Author's Note:**

> There is only a tiny bit of Bishop in this, as I had to rush it at the end.

Growing up, he remembered Lucia would sit in his room on the nights he felt at his worst and she would whisper about how when he was older, he would be stronger because of the way his life was. She would find quotes and sayings about growing up from a bad place, and he had always thought it was ridiculous because how was his situation in any way good for the person he’d become in the future?

But there was always one that stuck out to him even after all these years. 

_ ‘Sometimes you have to grow up before you can appreciate how you grew up.’ _

It always confused him, how would he ever learn to appreciate it? 

Until he  _ did _ grow up and realized how he grew up was what pushed him to be an agent, to save people the way he wished he was saved. 

And now as he drove through his old stomping grounds, that quote ran through his head again. He needed to learn how to completely appreciate it as it made him who he is.

As he drove closer to his childhood home another quote ran through his head. It was the thing that had prompted this trip, he had spotted it at a victim’s house two weeks ago. 

_ ‘How can you fully open your heart to someone new, when in fact what you really need is a closure from your past.’ _

It hit him right then in the middle of their crime scene. His eyes had read over it a bunch of times before Ellie had called his name, and looking at her he realized how much it fit him. 

The two of them knew the other felt something but he had told her he wasn’t ready, but he couldn’t figure out why he was holding back on being in a relationship with the woman he had been falling for for 3 years. Until he saw that quote. He not only needed closure on how he grew up, he needed closure on the part of his past he had refused to deal with.

There’s only so much pain and heartache you can push away.

* * *

Nick stood in front of the old paint chipped door feeling as if he was going to throw up.

It was now or never.

He raised his fist and knocked. 

His heart felt like it would jump out of his chest when it slowly opened to reveal the woman he hadn’t seen since he was sixteen.

“Hi Ma.”

“Nicholas..” Rosa Torres stared at her son in shock.

“Can I come in?”

His mom glared at him with a suspicious look but let him inside. Nick’s body was tense as he looked over the inside. Nothing had changed, and that only made the sick feeling stronger. 

“What do you want?” His mom spat. “I heard you’ve got a great job so you don’t need money.”

She scoffed as if him having a good job was ridiculous. 

He didn’t have to wait long for the comment to follow.

“Don’t see how, you were useless growing up. You were nothing but trouble and couldn’t do a damn thing right.”

“Ma..” Nick clenched his jaw. “I see you haven’t changed.”

He turned to face her, disgust written all over her face. Nick had to keep reminding himself  _ why _ he was here. 

“Why change? Just ‘cause you have some good job and look to be taking steroids doesn’t mean I have to, nothing wrong with me. You on the other hand-”

An emotionless laugh escaped him. “Really? Nothing wrong with you? So treating me the way you did, was okay?” 

Her eyes hardened. “If you were more like your sister-”

“Don’t.” Nick growled out. “We both know your shitty parenting had  _ nothing _ to do with who I was.”

“Think you know everything now, huh?”

“You treated me like shit because I reminded you of Pa every time you looked at me, isn’t that right?!” He yelled at her, right away seeing the expression on her face that confirmed what he said. 

His mom laughed coldly. “You look just like him, at first it was just little things but when you hit five-” She sneered. “You  _ disgusted _ me.”

“Do you not realize how messed up that is?” He said through clenched teeth. “Being disgusted and hating your  _ five year old son _ just because he reminded you of your ex husband who left you for the other family you didn’t know he had?!” 

“Don’t raise your voice at me!” She shouted, pointing her finger at him. “I raised you, so don’t come here and-”

“And what? Call you out on what a horrible mother you were?” Nick scoffed. “You didn’t raise me, Lucia did when you weren’t keeping her away-”

“I made you who you are Nicholas!” She interrupted. “You wouldn’t have that fancy federal agency job if it wasn’t for me-”

“NO!” Nick shouted. “Don’t try and take credit for what I’ve done with my life,  _ everything _ I did, I did on my own!” 

“I toughened you up, made you strong-”

“YOU BROKE ME!” 

Her body straightened up and tensed. A look a fear crossing her features as anger rolled off him in waves. 

* * *

_ Nick sat at the kitchen table, legs swinging back and forth in his chair. _

_ “Can I have pancakes, mama?” _

_ “No.” Rosa said as she dropped a bowl of cereal in front of him.  _

_ “I always have cereal-” _

_ “Would you rather have nothing?” She spat. “It’s food in your stomach, don’t be so damn spoiled.” _

_ Nick slouched in his seat, avoiding her eye as he shoved a spoonful in his mouth. _

_ “Can’t even sit in a chair and eat right.” He heard her mumbled under her breath.  _

_ His stomach growled even after he finished.  _

_ “Mama I’m still hungry.” He said softly after putting his bowl in the sink. _

_ Nick had barely blinked before he felt her hand hitting his cheek, his head snapping to the side with the force.  _

_ “Not my damn problem, boy.”  _

_ Tears welled in his eyes when she left the room. His cheek stung but he ignored it as he ran up to his room to wait for Lucia to get back from her friends house. Nick knew she’d bring food back for him.  _

* * *

_ "Mama!” Nick cried, trying to move away from the pain. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”  _

_ “Sorry doesn’t fix the plate you broke!” Rosa shouted at her son. “You ungrateful little brat!”  _

_ Nick cried out in pain as the belt strikes him again. _

_ “Ma! Stop it!” Lucia shouted, running into the house after hearing the yelling from the front door.  _

_ “You can’t baby him forever, Lucia!”  _

_ “Leave him alone!” Lucia picked Nick off the floor, holding him against her. “I won’t let you hurt him anymore!” _

_ Nick buried his face against her, sobbing.  _

_ Rosa scoffed. “You’re still a kid, what the hell are you gonna do? I have friends in high places, don’t test me.” _

_ “Go to hell!” Lucia spat, leading Nick up the stairs. _

_ “Nick, sweetie, you need to take your shirt off.” Lucia said softly when she sat him on the closed toilet seat. “I have to check.” _

_ Nick shook his head frantically. “No, no.” _

_ “Nick…” She crouched down and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I know it hurts, but I need to check the damage and try to make it feel better.” _

_ “Why does she hate me?” He said in a small voice. “I didn’t do anything wrong Luce, I swear!” _

_ “I know sweetie, I know.” She whispered, helping him take off his shirt. Lucia cringed when she saw the broken skin and blood along with old and new bruises.  _

_ “Can we run away?” Nick whispered. _

_ Lucia gave him a sad smile as she started cleaning up his wounds. “We wouldn’t get very far...her friends would find us.” _

_ “I’m good at hide and go seek, I can hide!”  _

_ She reached up and moved some hair out of his face. “When I can, I’m leaving and taking you with me, okay? I’ll take you away from her and you never have to look back.” _

* * *

_ "Nick?”  _

_ He slowly turned his head to look at Sofia.  _

_ “Have you heard from Lucia?”  _

_ Nick closed his eyes or a few seconds. “No.” _

_ She grabbed his hands in hers. “She’ll be back for you, I know she will. You can hide out here until then.” He wasn’t so sure. She had promised she had found a way around their mom’s connections to get custody of him by the time he was fifteen. He had turned fifteen two weeks ago and he hadn’t heard anything from Lucia in three months. _

_ He smiled at her and kissed her cheek as he got up. “I wish I could, but your mom is already suspicious.”  _

_ Tears welled up in Sofia’s eyes. “Call me as soon as you can, okay?” _

_ Nick felt his heart break at how sad she was, he didn’t want to cause her pain like this.  _

_ It was a good thing he’d gotten good at hiding these days. _

_ When he finally did get home it was dark. _

_ “Nicholas.” His mom called from the guest room downstairs. _

_ A chill went down his spine.  _

_ Not one of  _ those _ nights.  _

_ Nick tried running for the door but didn’t get far before he was pulled back, and being dragged into the guest room his mom’s ‘friend’ Robert’s grip was too strong for him to break out of, no matter how much he struggled. _

_ “Please, I don’t want to!” He said, panic rising in his voice.  _

_ Robert chuckled coldly. “This is every boys dream kid, hell I’d trade places with ya if the whore wasn’t paying Rosa a ton.”  _

_ Nick struggled more, but Robert only found it amusing.  _

_ A grinning brunette was in the room along with another guy.  _

_ His thrashing in Robert’s hold got stronger but he was still no match for the older muscled man. _

_ Robert nodded to the guy. Nick tried throwing punches and kicks. _

_ Seconds later Robert and his friend had him tied to the bed.  _

_ “Don’t worry Hun, I’ll be gentle.” The woman said with a smirk as she straddled him. _

_ Nick turned his head to the side and clenched his eyes shut.  _

_ He heard more then felt his belt being undone. _

_ Clenching his eyes shut tighter, Nick let his mind go blank. _

_ It was the only way he could block it out. _

* * *

_ Lucia came back and saved him a week later. _

* * *

Nick was pulled out of his memories by the sound of glass breaking.

It took him a minute to register it was  _ him _ that threw the vase.

His mom looked at him with wide eyes.

“I came here for closure.” Nick shook his head. “But the only closure I need...is to tell you  _ yes _ everything you did led me to who I am now so for that I’m grateful for, but I pushed myself to be a good person, to show that you may have broken me, but you didn’t ruin me.”

She said nothing. 

He walked to the door, but stopped before he opened it. 

“I also needed to see if you changed, but you’re still the horrible person I remember.” Nick said, his voice void of emotion. “I’d wish you a good life but honestly...I hope you burn in hell.”

Nick rushed to his car letting himself finally  _ breathe _ .

* * *

An hour later Nick sat in a graveyard in front of Sofia’s headstone.

“Sorry it’s been so long.” He said softly, running his fingers along her name.

“I needed to come here...and tell you about this amazing woman I met-” Nick chuckled. “You would have loved her Sofia, just for the fact she doesn’t take any of my crap.” 

“I love her.” Nick whispered, for the first time admitting it out loud. “But I just...I needed to tell you, that I finally feel like I have that happily ever after you would swear I’d have.”

He smiled softly and placed her favorite flower down in front of the headstone. 

“I also wanted to say goodbye, I never did get the courage to.”

Nick put his fingers to his lips before touching them to the headstone. 

It was time to go home.

* * *

Ellie barely let him knock before she yanked open her door and pulled him in.

“Whoa.” He laughed. “Missed me?”

“Are you okay?” She quickly said. His face softened at how worried she was.

Nick wrapped his arms around her, Ellie let out a little ‘oh’ but returned the hug. He hugged her tight, feeling the last tension in his body melt away at having her in his arms.

“I love you.”

A gasp left her mouth as she pulled away, looking at him in shock. 

“I want you in my life Ellie, as not only a friend but as the woman I want by my side, always.”

A smile formed on her lips. 

“I love you too.”

As he pressed his lips against hers, he vowed to tell her every dark detail later, even the things he hid from Sofia. But right now, all he wanted to do was enjoy the moment. 


End file.
